Paul London stood in the corner of a white room. The walls were covered in the symbols typically used by The Midnight Gang to annoying the simple minded. Such as inverted crosses and triple six's. There were also strange cut-out's of celebrities with their eyes painted completely white and fangs replacing their teeth. Brian Kendrick's best friend stood with his arms folded, wearing a black and white polka dot tight as well as a long sleeved button up black dress shirt and matching slacks. His hands were folded at his heart and he smiled with all of the charm of a smarmy used cars salesman.
| Paul London | Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another edition of P! A True Midnight Story. As always I'm your host..
He beamed another grin while straightening out his tie.
| Paul London | ..Paul. London. And this week I'm going to be stepping into the ring with none other than Zack Ryder. Are you jesting male sibling? Zack Ryder? That won't even be a contest. In fact, the only chance he has of getting a win over me is if all the spray on tan he uses gives him some kind of super powers. And that, my loyal viewers, is a very unlikely circumstance. And the way the man chooses to dress..
London sucks in some air through his teeth and shakes his head.
| Paul London | Just absolutely appalling. ..Ha. A-PAUL-ING. Perhaps I should rename my finishing maneuver that. It certainly sounds more threatening that the "Zack Attack". Are you jesting male sibling? "Zack Attack"? How long did it take him to come up with that one? Or has all that hair gel he so carelessly lathers into his skull seeped into his already feeble brain?
The Midnight Gang member laughs in an overly obnoxious sort of manner. His tone suddenly changes from corny and jesting to a lifeless, serious pitch.
| Paul London | I'm going to finish him faster than I finish a roach.
The scene literally seemed to fly off the screen by means of cost cutting and deliberately cheap editing. It was replaced by a graphic that read "TWEET OF THE WEEK" along with a smiling picture of Paul London's head next to it. Along with a user picture the tweet read "Zack Ryder thinking he can beat Paul London? #Are you jesting male sibling?" The tweet itself had been posted by RealKendrick, the handle, of course, of Brian Kendrick. That graphic trickled away with more low-fi editing and the next segment involved Tiffany. She stood in a dark room with a pair of sunglasses that had brightly flashing lenses, alternating between each lens. She wore a black, glitter covered sleeveless shirt with a ribcage on it. It was difficult to see what she had on underneath of the shirt but fishnets could be seen. In the corner of the screen it read "ASK THE VALET".
| Tiffany | These sunglasses are the coolest things I've ever seen. It's like their is a constant party going on in my eyeballs..
She gave a spacey grin and reached her hands outwards, as if she were trying to grab the light illuminating from her shades. After a few more attempts she regained what little focus she had.
| Tiffany | Blah. Whatever. This is "ask the valet". And this week's letter is from "FakeLondon" at twitter. Sounds sexy. Anyway, he wants to know if I would ever consider dating a guy like Zack Ryder.
Tiffany's lips curl up into a scowl before she opens her mouth and points a finger inside of it a few times.
| Tiffany | BLEH! BLEH! BLEH! No way. I only go for real men. And Ryder isn't hot, dirty or crazy enough for me. And those clubs he goes to with all that..
The blonde lifelessly and mockingly raises a hand to the sky and begins to fist pump.
| Tiffany | Laaaaaame. But I could teach him how to really party. I could teach him how to party. Oops..but I won't be able to do that. Because there won't be anything left of that chump once Paul London is done with him..
Tiffany twirls a finger around her messy blond hair with a snicker. That segment melts away and we find Brian Kendrick sitting at a table with his arms resting on a table and his chin resting upon those limbs. There seems to be a lot of noise and activity going on behind him. From the viewers angle it looks as though he's occupying a seedy and depraved bar. He runs a hand through his long hair and gives a small, crooked grin to the camera.
| Brian Kendrick | I'm Brian Kendrick and I'm this week's "Sibski of the week". It's an honor I'll cherish always. And I hope Paul London makes Zack Ryder suffer. Slowly. There isn't a thing I like about that waste of flesh. ..Well..you know..except that theme song. "OOooooh Radiiiiooooo..."
Kendrick sings in a whispered and off-key tone. He smacks his drink off of his table and leans back in his chair, eyes darkening as he spits out his last statement.
| Brian Kendrick | Go to hell, Ryder.
Following Brian Kendrick's message, we return to Paul London who is rubbing at his chin in contemplation with a few of his fingers.
| Paul London | This week I ran into a very big fan of Zack Ryder. Scott Stanford. I'm sure it was a real thrill for him.
Another cut revealed Scott Stanford walking through a studio, probably before or after shooting Total Recall. The camera is being held by Paul London who purposefully bumps into him. Stanford looks up, obviously alarmed by this random encounter.
| Paul London | Funny running into you like this, Scott.
| Scott Stanford | Paul. Uh, hey.
| Paul London | Scott, you're big follower of Zack Ryder, aren't you?
Paul zooms in closer.
| Scott Stanford | Yes, uh, yes, I am.
| Paul London | Mm. I see, I see. I've got some bad news for you, Scott. Rather unfortunate business, I'm afraid. Zack Ryder isn't going to be able to wrestle anymore. Because I'm going to make him a paraplegic. ..Ha ha! Look at your face! It's a joke. A joke. I'm sure we'll have an evenly matched contest.
London shoves the announcer's shoulder and he laughs along. Although his is of the mostly nervous variety.
| Paul London | Another question for you, Scott. Do you happen to know where I can find Christy Hemme? That fiery, lovely little firecracker.
| Scott Stanford | She..uh..could still be in the studio.
| Paul London | No..give me her address.
Stanford's eyes grew to size of saucer's but the end of this exchange was a mystery as the footage swiftly cut once more. This time a ragged, filthy man in tattered clothing stood in London's "hosting position". He rubbed his fingerless gloves and stood hunched over. It was obvious to tell that he was more than likely homeless. London controlled the camera again.
| Paul London | Do it.
| Bum | A-And you will..
| Paul London | Give you food and money. Plus I'm putting you on television. Aren't I a splendid chap? You really should be paying me. Now, if you would be so kind, my good man..
The look of desperation told the man's story. With a sigh and a deep breath he began to speak.
| Bum | ..This..is what Zack Ryder is going to sound like during his match with Paul London.
The man began to scream. Bloody murder. As loud as he possibly could. Until his face turned bright red. A horrible sound. After he was finished, and after having caught his breath, he held his hands outwards. He was looking for what London had promised him. But what he received was a rough shove into a wall. The man fell against the wall and London closed the camera in on him. He spoke in a voice that signified that he felt the poor guy didn't deserve to live.
| Paul London | Get a job. You smell like garbage.
Finally, we returned to London's original location when the video began, smiling as if he could possibly be proud of what he had just displayed.
| Paul London | Until next time, remember, to like this video..follow me on twitter..like me on Facebook..and kill people, burn things and stop going to school.
After a kind wave, the bizarre parody ends.
