..You may not realize this but I'm kind of a big deal..
Those opening words began a scene that was set in the darkened streets of downtown Cleveland Ohio. The city was lit by a few overhead street lamps and Kendrick himself wasn't dressed in anything terribly eye catching. Police sirens could be heard in the distance along with the usual rummaging of the homeless scattering about through the alley ways. Not of that bothered our star in the least. He certainly was not the "gangsta thug, yo" type but he felt more comfortable and at ease around these people than those most would consider to be "socially acceptable". Those were the types of people he looked out for. The camera man followed along at the long haired wrestlers pace as he traveled through the decadent surroundings.
| Brian Kendrick | I really am. I'm what they like to call a rising star. A hot commodity. I'm going places! That's what they tell me. I am the number one contender for the World Title. Again. It's beautiful. Lovely even. And I accomplished this at WrestleMania by ending three careers.
A simple shrug of the shoulders. The well beings of the aforementioned trio were not of a great concern to him.
| Brian Kendrick | Granted the first one wasn't all that impressive. NXT Season 20 winner Johnny Curtis. Even his own mother didn't know who he was or why he had a match at WrestleMania. And I tried to talk him out of it. But no. He had to try and have his WrestleMania moment. Well, now everyone knows who he is. He's that guy that Brian Kendrick murdered before his career even got started. But like I said..I tried to stop him. But is a single person going to miss him? Probably not. Certainly no one alive with a decent taste in music is going to miss that god awful entrance theme he had. I'd like to thank that I did the world a favor to be very honest. Match two is a little more important. A former World Champion. And had I not lost that match I surely would have won it.
Kendrick nods in certainty at his own flawless logic.
| Brian Kendrick | But dig this. Ted Jr proved he could crawl out of a cage faster than I could. But who was the one still standing and concussion free at the end of the match? I'm still here and competing and he got shipped back to stately DiBiase manor on a stretcher. Those are the kinds of losses I can take.
He flashes his not so award winning smiling in the direction of the camera.
| Brian Kendrick | And most importantly I retired Mick Foley. Or..killed him. I'm not entirely sure. I didn't really go and check up on him. So I guess that would mean that I am the new hardcore legend. I guess I could start calling myself that but who wants to be anything like Mick Foley? ..I really could use a nickname, though. Something attention grabbing. Something cool. Something that isn't anything like calling yourself an 'Asshole'. More on that later..
Brian bows his head while continuing to progress forward through the streets.
| Brian Kendrick | A moment of silence for Mick. He came into WrestleMania the same way that he left. Fat. Well fat and covered in third degree burns. But enough about that overrated relic. Let's talk more about me. Who else have I maimed? I'm starting to lose count. What was that British guy's name?
He snaps his fingers a couple of times in hopes that it will jog his memory.
| Brian Kendrick | Oh. Right. Wade Barrett. Haven't seen him around much lately? That's because the beating I gave him was so severe that he completely left the company. And that guy walking around with the World Title? Edge? I have the honor of having choked him out while blood ran down his face. A visual that the champion surely remembers. And if he manages to get past Randy Orton I'll be waiting to remind him. How exactly did Orton jump right past me in the way of contenders? I beat three guys and he only beat a single one. Ah well. It doesn't matter to me who has the title when I win it from them. Edge can keep right along cutting promo's about turtles. ..And they say I'm on something. Ah! I almost forgot? Remember John Cena?
Kendrick waves his palm in front of his face a few times to imitate Cena's "you can't see me" mannerisms.
| Brian Kendrick | That guy? I was 3 and 0 against him. Not like when The Miz was pretending but in reality. He never beat me. Not once. The big, huge mega star who ended Randy Orton's seventeen year reign couldn't get the job down. So..all and all..it's not bad time to be Brian Kendrick! I've got a hot girl with me..say hello to the camera, doll face..
The camera pans over to reveal Tiffany walking along the right side of Brian Kendrick. In all her glitter covered and oddly dressed glory. She wiggles a few of her fingers at the camera.
| Tiffany | Hello world! I've got a twitter and a facebook and a tumblr and you fan find me at www.--
| Brian Kendrick | OK, OK, get the camera back on me now.
The camera blurs back to Kendrick as Tiffany is still rambling off web addresses in the background.
| Brian Kendrick | And in case anyone is delusional enough to try and touch greatness, I have my man Reks here with me.
To the left of Kendrick stands the large, intimidating man. His dreadlocks hang in front of his face and he begins to speak in a deep tone.
| Tyler Reks | The hunt. The prey. The thrill of victory. Destruction is my only friend.
Kendrick looks up at the towering Reks with a positively perplexed expression.
| Brian Kendrick | I didn't know you could talk. Say something else.
| Tyler Reks | The broken bodies of the weak will be the bridge I cross to reach my sacred place.
| Brian Kendrick | Huh. Wacky. Anyway, my point being is that I'm got all the key components for further success. And my opponent this week? Mr. Kennedy? He's got..Goldust. Right. That doesn't exactly measure up now does it? Say, I wonder what Mr. Kennedy did at WrestleMania? Could it have been losing another title match? Trick question. Because that's what Kennedy is always doing. He's from Greenbay and his football team can win the big one but he never can. The man is a loser. Plain and simple. He begged Chris Jericho to be his partner and he played him for a fool while Lance Storm healed up. It's sad.
| Tiffany | Your old FedEx buddies?
| Brian Kendrick | I worked for UPS while paying my way through wrestling school. But I never worked for FedEx. I'm not sure where that rumor started. In any event, we all Kennedy isn't going to beat me because this is a main event. A match in the spotlight. And Kennedy is the biggest choke artist in the company so I'm willing to bet he's going to keep that tradition going. Reks. What are you going to do if Goldust tries to get involved?
| Tyler Reks | Like the mighty wildebeest I will ravage his carcass until nothing remains.
| Brian Kendrick | Works for me.
Spotting the large amount of homeless folk gathering in the allies gives Kendrick an idea. He calls the scruffiest one over. The one with the most disgusting hair, the most unkempt beard and the filthiest of clothing.
| Brian Kendrick | You. 'Mere.
| Homeless | S-Sir, if you could be so kind, I--
| Brian Kendrick | Shut up! I'll give you a sandwich. Just get over here.
Willing to do just about anything for a meal, the man shuffles his way on over.
| Brian Kendrick | I want you to do an impression of Mr. Kennedy.
| Homeless | I haven't had a t-television in years, sir. I'm not sure who that is.
| Brian Kendrick | You don't know who that is?! EBWF! Why, it's the hottest ticket in town, man! Don't worry. I can help you out. It's really simple. Just tilt your head back and say "Mr. Kennedy." Really loudly. And you hold out the "mister" part as long as you can. Got it? You look like you have at least twice the talent that the real guy has. We're all rooting for you, pal. This is your big moment. Don't blow it. Well, I guess if you did that you would be more like the real Kennedy, wouldn't you? Go ahead. No pressure.
| Homeless | Yes sir.
The broken down man does as he's instructed and clears his scratchy and booze ridden throat.
| Homeless | MIIIIIISSSSSTEEEE--
A palm to the chest from Kendrick sends the poor guy toppling over into a few trash cans as the debris spills outwards. Kendrick and his posse keep going without so much as giving the hobo a glance.
| Brian Kendrick | That was awful. Get a job.
Kendrick shakes his head in disappointment at the state of today's homeless. What a lack of talent. If that guy was the best they had they were never going to headline Broadway. The man's pleas for help are ignored.
| Brian Kendrick | And of course this isn't a normal match. They all say "Brian Kendrick is crazy. He loves this stuff". I'm not crazy. I'll just do whatever it takes to be on top. I don't like wrestling three times a night in insane matches. I don't like being in a two out of three falls match with Mr. Peroxide. I just like what I do to my opponents during those matches. And I'm going to like what I'll do to Mr. Kennedy.
Kendrick stops right in front of the camera so he can gaze directly into it's lens.
| Brian Kendrick | Kennedy. I'll give you a fair warning. Don't show up. Don't end up like Curtis, DiBiase, Barrett and Foley. I'm giving the opportunity not to have your career, or what's left of it, ended. I'm sure at this point that all of your dreams must be covered in piss anyway. Live to fight another day. Just as long as it's not against me. But if you choose to step into the ring Thursday night? I won't be held responsible. I won't listen to any complaints that I'm too ruthless. Anyone who thinks it's too violent can bitch to someone else. I'll embarrass you. I'll beat you two times in one night. I've gotten pretty good at that. Think it over. You don't really want this. Trust me. You really don't. Just go hang out with your transvestite friend, make a few jokes, make the fans laugh but leave the main eventing stuff to guys like me. Clearly you aren't built for it. Now..
He casts a finger towards a seedy alleyway that even stands out in this environment.
| Brian Kendrick | This is a red light district. We're going in there because we just got our WrestleMania bonuses. I feel demeaning someone but in an entirely different sort of way. I'm not giving them any of my money. I just want to watch them beg for it. Just like you're going to do if you're dumb enough to show your face at Aggression, Kennedy. Let's go gang!
Kendrick heads off into the depraved alley and hops off the concrete a bit to click his heels together. He shoves his hands into his pockets and disappears as Tiffany and Tyler Reks follow along after him. A fun time was surely had by all.
