A small beach home in Southern California that
had previously been displayed on EBWF television in the past.. The
smell of marijuana resonated in the air to the surprise of absolutely
new one. A series of wide, five foot tall windows allowed the sun to
trickle in to the sparsely decorated loft. Brian had at least gone out
and bought a new couch during his time away from the company. A damn
fine couch, indeed. It even had cup holders. And a new reclining chair
as well. Also with all the accoutrements of the couch, cup holders ready
for cold beverages. Same television positioned in front of the couch.
The tiny kitchen area was about the same aside from a new spice rack
that held bottles of pills instead of actual spices. It should be noted
that his blu-ray collection was actually organized and not spilled out
all over the floor anymore. Progress. It was early so Brian was still a
little drowsy. 3:00 pm was very early for him. He was shirtless and his
frame was more or less the same. He hadn't grown a monster gut or
anything so he must had took part in some kind of physicality during his
time away. blue and black striped pajama pants kept him from being nude
and black house slippers covered his feet. One last toke from the final
remains of a roach were inhaled into his lungs before he carelessly
flicked the stub away.
| Brian Kendrick | Let's get this out of the way. From time to time I engage in the use of marijuana. It does not define me as a human being. Breaking into women's homes, assaulting my former co-workers families, killing their house pets and trying to set people on fire does.
The near 34 year old still retained his boyish grin despite all the horrible acts he had performed in the past.
| Brian Kendrick | And as you can clearly tell I am incredibly enthused about appearing for the EBWF after a year long absence.
The tone in his voice and the drab look on his face suggested the opposite.
| Brian Kendrick | For the last few days I've been asked the same question over and over. "Are you going to return to the ring"? Yeah right. Because my existence simply wouldn't be justified if I didn't go out and tarnish my legacy and drawing power with the likes of Damien Sandow and Santino. Brave new world! ..That has such cunts in it. I am here for one simple reason.
Brian Kendrick, despite his infamy, was never given any sort of snazzy nickname so..the caucasian, 5'8'', long haired guy from planet Earth sprung off of his couch.
| Brian Kendrick | WrestleMania NEEDS me. People want to see a WrestleMania without Brian Kendrick like they want to see Mark Henry and Tony Atlas make out.
A figure sleeping in a swinging hammock in the background awoke from his slumber from the nightmare inducing image. Paul London. He removed a straw hat from his face and looked as though he had just seen a ghost. He was shirtless because no one in California wore a shirt and dressed in a blue Hawaiian shorts.
| Paul London | What the actual fuck.
| Brian Kendrick | Ah. Hey. Paul.
| Paul London | I heard something about two huge, muscle bound, 40 plus black guys making out.
| Brian Kendrick | Not a joke. Presumably happens often to frequently.
| Brian Kendrick | Let's get this out of the way. From time to time I engage in the use of marijuana. It does not define me as a human being. Breaking into women's homes, assaulting my former co-workers families, killing their house pets and trying to set people on fire does.
The near 34 year old still retained his boyish grin despite all the horrible acts he had performed in the past.
| Brian Kendrick | And as you can clearly tell I am incredibly enthused about appearing for the EBWF after a year long absence.
The tone in his voice and the drab look on his face suggested the opposite.
| Brian Kendrick | For the last few days I've been asked the same question over and over. "Are you going to return to the ring"? Yeah right. Because my existence simply wouldn't be justified if I didn't go out and tarnish my legacy and drawing power with the likes of Damien Sandow and Santino. Brave new world! ..That has such cunts in it. I am here for one simple reason.
Brian Kendrick, despite his infamy, was never given any sort of snazzy nickname so..the caucasian, 5'8'', long haired guy from planet Earth sprung off of his couch.
| Brian Kendrick | WrestleMania NEEDS me. People want to see a WrestleMania without Brian Kendrick like they want to see Mark Henry and Tony Atlas make out.
A figure sleeping in a swinging hammock in the background awoke from his slumber from the nightmare inducing image. Paul London. He removed a straw hat from his face and looked as though he had just seen a ghost. He was shirtless because no one in California wore a shirt and dressed in a blue Hawaiian shorts.
| Paul London | What the actual fuck.
| Brian Kendrick | Ah. Hey. Paul.
| Paul London | I heard something about two huge, muscle bound, 40 plus black guys making out.
| Brian Kendrick | Not a joke. Presumably happens often to frequently.
| Paul London | WHY?
| Brian Kendrick | Love?
| Paul London | Well, love just made my morning erection die.
| Brian Kendrick | Paul. Sensitivity. This is 2013. People can engage in sexual relations with whomever they want. I'll fight Randy Orton in a Hell in a Cell but GLAAD? NO thank you.
| Paul London | All I'm saying..is that EVERYONE involved in the world of wrestling..THESE are the two that we get a same sex relation from? It's like bad fan-fiction ever come to life.
| Brian Kendrick | I see where you're going with this. It is extremely frustrating that Maryse and Paige never decided to experiment with each other and blossom into a full on romance. Or that A.J. and Kaitlyn never took their friendship to another level. These are the kind of things I pray for. But the world is a cruel place and--
Pause. Had they really just devoted that much precious WrestleMania promo time to the love life of Mark god damn Henry?
| Brian Kendrick | Paul. Fuck off and go back to sleep. I'm getting side tracked.
London mumbled something incoherently and rolled back onto his side and covered his face with the straw hat once more.
| Brian Kendrick | Back to the subject. There is a reason why I'm going to be at WrestleMania. Because Dean Ambrose claims he's going to kill it. And if that happens how could I possibly miss out on that kind of party? I like this kid. Kind of. Well, honestly, I hate him but it's a love-hate thing. I see a lot of myself in him. We're cut from the same cloth. Except he got the height and I got the amazing head of hair. I'm crazy, right? We all know that. Crazy can see crazy. And Ambrose is nuts. I know he has valid reasons for his actions, or so we've been told, unlike myself who went around hurting people just because if got me off. He has principals. But he still reaches his goal the same way that I did. By mangling everyone in front of him with zero regard. Plus just the way he moves all herky jerky like and the weird way he talks even kind of freaks me out. So I hope he actually does snuff this company out. I want to see Cena, Orton and Styles' stupid, ugly, hopeless faces when it all goes down. I want to watch the Ikeda's beg for change or something. I hope the diva's, the hot one's, need someone to console them with empty sex. And I hope it's magical. I hope there are tears so I can catch them in a little jar and cherish them forever and ever.
It wouldn't be out of the question to doubt that Brian Kendrick has a jar somewhere with the tears of the innocent filling it.
| Brian Kendrick | I lied. I have two reasons. Reason number two is my all consuming hate for CM Punk. Ooooh. Look. SOMEONE finally got their Wrestle Mania main event. Boy oh boy. Welcome to last year, Punk! Been there. Done that. Doing it again. It slightly pisses me off to see you achieve your goals since, as I have previously stated, I hate you very much.
A long, big sigh.
| Brian Kendrick | CM Punk is another one of those guys with "principals". He sets goals and he fights for them. Doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, only addiction is tattoo's and women. Blah. Who cares? Punk is also a sociopath. Much like Ambrose, much like myself, he doesn't have issues hurting someone who gets in the way of his number one pursuit: himself. I know him better than just about anyone else. He carries pro wrestling on his back and wants to make it better and yap, yap, yap, pipe bomb, hot ass girlfriend. All just a front. Punk should have taken this place over with me a long time ago when we were running buddies but I got a little too scary for 'em. So now he gets to watch some new young punk, pardon the phrasing, do what he never had the ambition or lack of heart to accomplish.
Kendrick was sensing that he was becoming a bit biased so he sought to rectify it. Like a noble, straight shooting, official that he was, he puffed his chest out and looked sternly into the camera.
| Brian Kendrick | No mistake. I'm not playing favorites. The best man will win. Do I want to see what Ambrose has planned for this joints supposed funeral? Yes. Would I mind terribly if Punk decapitated Ambrose with one of those kicks of his? Of course not. But I am a referee. And I will uphold the fine tradition of the craft. There will be NO SHENANIGANS of any kind and I will not allow any Tim Foolery. The cross-eyed, screaming, toothless fans will have a clear cut winner. If I am at any point accidentally struck during his encounter, I can assure you, I will not collapse into a heap for fifteen minutes only to pop right back up to count a climatic pinfall!
A hero and noble soul if there ever was one.
| Brian Kendrick | TIFFANY!
It didn't take long for Kendrick's one time valet to slid into the picture. She was dressed in a golden bikini and, as always, covered in another glitter to drown a moose. More stern expressions ensued.
| Tiffany | Tiffany is my SLAVE name. My name is TARYN TERREL.
Absolute and complete silence filled the air. The tension was thick. Even uncomfortable.
| Brian Kendrick | Your real name is stupid. Go get me my referee shirt, Tiffany.
Defeat for Kendrick's blond cohort. His logic on this subject could not and should not be disputed. With a heavy heart she retrieved his officiating garb.
| Brian Kendrick | Sorry for all you ladies out there. I'm not rocking the booty shorts and tying my shirt around my waist. God, what was Shawn thinking when he wore that shit? I'm glad I beat him up in front of his wife. It was a good thing that I did that.
The shirt was displayed for the public before Brian slipped it on over his 185 pound frame. It was a simple white t-shirt with a huge inverted cross on the center which was zebra striped. It was a design that was always on The Midnight Gang merchandise. And even though it actually wasn't a satanic symbol, people thought it was and it was always easy to get a rise out of stupid people.
| Brian Kendrick | I wanted a big picture of a baby panda being thrown over a cliff on the back but I thought that might come off as a little tasteless. But feast your eyes on this. This is the t-shirt that holds all the power. I will decide who leaves WrestleMania with the World Title. And I might even hold the very future of the company in my hands. Isn't that a scary thought? One guy wants to preserve pro wrestling and the other wants to kill it. I'll be the one who decides what happens. I have so much power in my hands. Ooooooh.
A shiver went up his spine.
| Brian Kendrick | I think I just scared myself. But I'm ready for this responsibility. I'm ready to help usher this company into a new era..or watch it crash and burn. But like I said..
He slumped back down onto his couch.
| Brian Kendrick | I'm going to call it straight down the middle.
Could someone who thrived on chaos really be counted on to keep things on the up and up during perhaps the biggest match in EBWF history? The dark grin on Kendrick's face as the camera faded out left that in question.
| Paul London | Well, love just made my morning erection die.
| Brian Kendrick | Paul. Sensitivity. This is 2013. People can engage in sexual relations with whomever they want. I'll fight Randy Orton in a Hell in a Cell but GLAAD? NO thank you.
| Paul London | All I'm saying..is that EVERYONE involved in the world of wrestling..THESE are the two that we get a same sex relation from? It's like bad fan-fiction ever come to life.
| Brian Kendrick | I see where you're going with this. It is extremely frustrating that Maryse and Paige never decided to experiment with each other and blossom into a full on romance. Or that A.J. and Kaitlyn never took their friendship to another level. These are the kind of things I pray for. But the world is a cruel place and--
Pause. Had they really just devoted that much precious WrestleMania promo time to the love life of Mark god damn Henry?
| Brian Kendrick | Paul. Fuck off and go back to sleep. I'm getting side tracked.
London mumbled something incoherently and rolled back onto his side and covered his face with the straw hat once more.
| Brian Kendrick | Back to the subject. There is a reason why I'm going to be at WrestleMania. Because Dean Ambrose claims he's going to kill it. And if that happens how could I possibly miss out on that kind of party? I like this kid. Kind of. Well, honestly, I hate him but it's a love-hate thing. I see a lot of myself in him. We're cut from the same cloth. Except he got the height and I got the amazing head of hair. I'm crazy, right? We all know that. Crazy can see crazy. And Ambrose is nuts. I know he has valid reasons for his actions, or so we've been told, unlike myself who went around hurting people just because if got me off. He has principals. But he still reaches his goal the same way that I did. By mangling everyone in front of him with zero regard. Plus just the way he moves all herky jerky like and the weird way he talks even kind of freaks me out. So I hope he actually does snuff this company out. I want to see Cena, Orton and Styles' stupid, ugly, hopeless faces when it all goes down. I want to watch the Ikeda's beg for change or something. I hope the diva's, the hot one's, need someone to console them with empty sex. And I hope it's magical. I hope there are tears so I can catch them in a little jar and cherish them forever and ever.
It wouldn't be out of the question to doubt that Brian Kendrick has a jar somewhere with the tears of the innocent filling it.
| Brian Kendrick | I lied. I have two reasons. Reason number two is my all consuming hate for CM Punk. Ooooh. Look. SOMEONE finally got their Wrestle Mania main event. Boy oh boy. Welcome to last year, Punk! Been there. Done that. Doing it again. It slightly pisses me off to see you achieve your goals since, as I have previously stated, I hate you very much.
A long, big sigh.
| Brian Kendrick | CM Punk is another one of those guys with "principals". He sets goals and he fights for them. Doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, only addiction is tattoo's and women. Blah. Who cares? Punk is also a sociopath. Much like Ambrose, much like myself, he doesn't have issues hurting someone who gets in the way of his number one pursuit: himself. I know him better than just about anyone else. He carries pro wrestling on his back and wants to make it better and yap, yap, yap, pipe bomb, hot ass girlfriend. All just a front. Punk should have taken this place over with me a long time ago when we were running buddies but I got a little too scary for 'em. So now he gets to watch some new young punk, pardon the phrasing, do what he never had the ambition or lack of heart to accomplish.
Kendrick was sensing that he was becoming a bit biased so he sought to rectify it. Like a noble, straight shooting, official that he was, he puffed his chest out and looked sternly into the camera.
| Brian Kendrick | No mistake. I'm not playing favorites. The best man will win. Do I want to see what Ambrose has planned for this joints supposed funeral? Yes. Would I mind terribly if Punk decapitated Ambrose with one of those kicks of his? Of course not. But I am a referee. And I will uphold the fine tradition of the craft. There will be NO SHENANIGANS of any kind and I will not allow any Tim Foolery. The cross-eyed, screaming, toothless fans will have a clear cut winner. If I am at any point accidentally struck during his encounter, I can assure you, I will not collapse into a heap for fifteen minutes only to pop right back up to count a climatic pinfall!
A hero and noble soul if there ever was one.
| Brian Kendrick | TIFFANY!
It didn't take long for Kendrick's one time valet to slid into the picture. She was dressed in a golden bikini and, as always, covered in another glitter to drown a moose. More stern expressions ensued.
| Tiffany | Tiffany is my SLAVE name. My name is TARYN TERREL.
Absolute and complete silence filled the air. The tension was thick. Even uncomfortable.
| Brian Kendrick | Your real name is stupid. Go get me my referee shirt, Tiffany.
Defeat for Kendrick's blond cohort. His logic on this subject could not and should not be disputed. With a heavy heart she retrieved his officiating garb.
| Brian Kendrick | Sorry for all you ladies out there. I'm not rocking the booty shorts and tying my shirt around my waist. God, what was Shawn thinking when he wore that shit? I'm glad I beat him up in front of his wife. It was a good thing that I did that.
The shirt was displayed for the public before Brian slipped it on over his 185 pound frame. It was a simple white t-shirt with a huge inverted cross on the center which was zebra striped. It was a design that was always on The Midnight Gang merchandise. And even though it actually wasn't a satanic symbol, people thought it was and it was always easy to get a rise out of stupid people.
| Brian Kendrick | I wanted a big picture of a baby panda being thrown over a cliff on the back but I thought that might come off as a little tasteless. But feast your eyes on this. This is the t-shirt that holds all the power. I will decide who leaves WrestleMania with the World Title. And I might even hold the very future of the company in my hands. Isn't that a scary thought? One guy wants to preserve pro wrestling and the other wants to kill it. I'll be the one who decides what happens. I have so much power in my hands. Ooooooh.
A shiver went up his spine.
| Brian Kendrick | I think I just scared myself. But I'm ready for this responsibility. I'm ready to help usher this company into a new era..or watch it crash and burn. But like I said..
He slumped back down onto his couch.
| Brian Kendrick | I'm going to call it straight down the middle.
Could someone who thrived on chaos really be counted on to keep things on the up and up during perhaps the biggest match in EBWF history? The dark grin on Kendrick's face as the camera faded out left that in question.
