Comerica Park is the stadium in which the Detroit Tigers hit incoming balls with large wooden sticks. Detroit is also the location for this week's Warfare where second round matches of the King of the Ring tournament will begin. The sights, sounds and smells accustomed to a wholesome day at the ballpark were all around. The stadium also had a slew of attractions including, but not limited to: A carousel, a ferris wheel, sculptures, a bar and grill and now EBWF Superstar Brian Kendrick. Ah but only in contract. In reality he longer considers himself a part of the brotherhood or family if you will. Not that he ever really fit in with the rest of his ilk. Kendrick could be found on this afternoon strolling through the park, whistling "Take me out to the ball game" while lightly swinging the bat he carried by it's handle.
| Brian Kendrick | Detroit, Michigan. Some people call it the Motor City. I call it an enormous pile of crap. Has anything good ever come out of this place? Kid Rock? Ted Nugent? Gee whiz, thanks for those two musical abortions. In the 50's Detroit was the number one manufacturing city in the world. Now look at it. Those businesses and companies are just abandoned buildings now. People are afraid of coming here because the crime and murder rate is so high. It's a terrible cesspool.
With the baseball bat firmly in hand, he strolls over to a nearby hot dog vendor. They exchange polite smiles before Kendrick smashes the side of the cart with the Louisville slugger. The attendant runs off and Brian is left to make his hot dog for himself.
| Brian Kendrick | Curse your tiny paper hat.
He tosses one onto a bun and applies some ketchup. After taking a couple of bites he tosses the snack over his shoulder and continues speaking with his mouth full.
| Brian Kendrick | Even the hot dogs suck. This whole park is just a facade. A welcoming sort of illusion. Maybe a last glimmer of hope that something good still exists here. A lot like my opponent this week: Randy Orton.
Kendrick swallows down his last bite and licks a couple of his fingers clean.
| Brian Kendrick | Randy Orton used to be on top of the world. He had his seven year title reign or however long it was. The guy was it in this company. He was the fricken' measuring stick. Randy Orton was the fuel this company ran on. But without his title..ah..he hasn't really been his old self. His old buddy Edge made him look like a complete fool and smacked him around a few times. Just like Detroit..what was once a glimmering, beacon of greatness..is now just a run down shell of it's former self. And if this park is Detroit's last great hope then The King of the Ring tournament is Orton's.
He shrugs and scrunches his face with a sense of passiveness. He doesn't seem to view the longest reigning World Champion as anything to get too worked up about.
| Brian Kendrick | Eh, I don't see what the big deal about the guy is. He's never really impressed me. I'm not really sure how he was able to run this place for such a long amount of time. The guy that put his reign to an end was John Cena and I used to make that guy look like a bitch for months on end. And his big tool to take other people out is that punt thing. C'mon man! Where is the variety? How boring is that? You can't even feel their brain rattling around with those thick wrestling boots on. Where is the blood and the agony? And it happens so swift and suddenly that they don't even get to suffer. So he can go ahead and try to field goal kick my cranium. I've got aspirin, I'll be just fine. You don't scare me one bit, Mr. Silent Assassin. What does that even mean? Is he a ninja? Can no one see him when he moves through the darkness? And that beard! Did he lose a bet? He's proving my point. His career is on a noticeable slide so he is trying to hide his shame with that abomination. And I know exactly how he's going to retort.
Kendrick attempts to mimic Orton's steely cold stare and his usually stoic way of speaking.
| Brian Kendrick | "Brian Kendrick should focus less upon my ring names and my appearance and worry more about what I'll do to him in the ring." Predictable as always. Orton has this gift. He has no compassion. But he doesn't savior the damage he can inflict on others. It's so maddening to watch someone who is at least marginally good at their craft show so little passion for it. Have some fun for once in your life, you downer! But, but, but there is one reason I'm sort of happy this match is taking place. When I pulled out a knife and held it to Ted Jr's face he was afraid. And I suddenly had this thought. If I put a razor to Randy Orton's neck..would it scare him? Would that robotic mask he wears slip away? Would he sweat and would his eyes start bulging out? Would he tremble or would he shake?
He shivers as if a wave of goosebumps had just gone across his spine.
| Brian Kendrick | I just got all giddy thinking about it. Sorry. I'll try to be a little more professional. Needless to say, accolades mean a lot more to Randy Orton than they do me. He NEEDS to win the King of the Ring for his own ego. He apparently must do these things to justify his existence. So he can sleep well at night and not have awful nightmares, I'm not entirely sure. And I don't really care. I'm just taking out folks so no one can get to Punk and take the World Title from..
Something that sounds like "guh" comes from him as he scowls.
| Brian Kendrick | "..Elite". Still working on that name. But Orton IS a name. A big name. A house hold name. Recognizable to wrestling fans all over the world. And even non-fans. He must be hurt so we can prove our dominance. The "Legend Killer" is being targeted due to his iconic status. Ironic, no?
While Kendrick is pondering this his little gal-pal Tiffany steps into the picture. She's wearing a baseball cap with her hair tied back in a ponytail. She has a baseball jersey with "ELITE" written across it and she's also wearing a pair of skin tight short shorts. Kendrick gives her a stare before shaking his head in disappointment.
| Brian Kendrick | We really are going with that name, aren't we?
| Tiffany | "Skeleton Orgy Death Face" was taken.
| Brian Kendrick | Fiddlesticks. Did you bring the goods, cutie pie?
| Tiffany | Oh, I brought the goods all right..
Tiffany shuffles off screen and returns with a life-sized cardboard cut of the master of the RKO. She places it in front of Brian and motions to it like a babe on a game that is showing off a grand prize. She hands a thick black marker to her presumed boyfriend.
| Brian Kendrick | I need one of these of myself. And this needs one minor improvement.
Kendrick carefully applies a thick, handlebar mustache to the cut out and nods approvingly at his creation. Everything is better with a handlebar mustache.
| Brian Kendrick | Exquisite.
He gives the camera an apologetic look before cocking back the large bat in his hands.
| Brian Kendrick | Now, Randy, if you happen to be watching this..I'm sorry. I know this won't be very impressive to a man like you. But I promise I'll make it up to you by legitimately trying to end your life Monday night. We all know I'm a sucker for a good visual.
With a mighty swing, Kendrick effectively decapitates the Orton merchandise and it's head goes sailing off into the distance. Now it stands in it's pose minus it's head which was cut off from the neck. The rest of the body soon crumbled as well.
| Tiffany | HOME RUN! THE CROWD GOES WILD!
| Brian Kendrick | That felt nice but I've got some more aggression to get out. Bring anything else?
Tiffany holds a trio of golden plates in her hands. They have an image of Wes Ikeda carved into them and they glisten in the sun. She begins to speak like an auctioneer from a home shopping network. It's unknown if these are real or not but if they are, the EBWF merch team has some explaining to do.
| Tiffany | Wes Ikeda commemorative plates! Straight from his hometown in Detroit! These decorative plates will make a handsome addition to any home! And they can be all yours for only seven easy payments of--AHH!
The sudden scream comes because Kendrick began to wildly swing towards the plates. Tiffany dropped them in a hurry and the bat wielding maniac proceeds to smash them into the ground until there small bits and shards scattered about everywhere. After a sigh the bat is tossed aside.
| Brian Kendrick | And I'm spent.
He places an arm around Tiffany and a large kiss on her cheek before turning to the camera.
| Brian Kendrick | But I'll be up for it come Warfare. And anxious to try this on the real Randy Orton. I can't wait. And I hope he's ready.
After blowing a kiss with his free hand the shot draws to it's ending.
